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    初戀薩拉

    新學年里,她和我同桌,一個過去似曾相識的小姑娘,只是從沒正眼瞧過她。可那天,我睜大兩眼,對她凝視,不料她投來的目光絕然冷漠,好一個令人腸斷心碎的美人。“你看什么?”她問,又問了一次。時隔良久,我才反應過來;時隔更久,我才結結巴巴答道:“沒——沒什么”。說完立刻轉過頭去,怕被她冰藍色眼睛又給迷住,呆呆的像塊石頭。她叫薩拉,這名字在我嘴里反復咀嚼,一遍遍細聲呼喚,如同祈禱一般。何以會如此迷戀她,那時我才九歲,一個天真無邪的小男孩。當時是五十年代,還沒有兒童不宜的影片,混混沌沌的我,每當看見薩拉走近時,便心跳加劇。不知怎么搞的,我還老想尋找她去了哪里,那份焦急煩躁的感覺和傷風癥狀十分相似:頭暈、戰栗、不思茶飯、緊張得惡心。我們過去曾是鄰居,也一起上過課。過去幾年里,對她這種小姑娘不屑一顧可謂易如反掌,但這一次卻太難了,這個薩拉令我神魂顛倒,就好像另外一個我看見了另外一個她。撩撥我的還不光是她的姿容,每時每刻,無論有無機緣,我會溫習與她相見的時光,于是又有了令人吃驚的發現——姑娘們的特殊氣味,薩拉的氣息尤其馥郁甜美,不像我們男孩,因為老在沙地里打滾,身上發出陣陣腐濕味。這一新發現令我頭暈目眩。深夜,我輾轉反側,難以成眠,渴望白天快快來到,可以去學校里拉她的小辮,對她扮鬼臉,在她的作業本上胡亂涂抹,使盡招數,讓她明白我已為她費盡心機,操碎了心。數月之后,我開始感到自己已經墜入愛河,只是還沒到坦白承認的地步。班上每個人都已有所覺察,但沒人說破真相,豈料卻被薩拉道破天機。一天午休時,在朋友們的拼命鼓動和慫恿下,我又開始大聲譏諷笑罵薩拉。突然,她跑到我跟前,兩手放在屁股上,撅起漂亮的小嘴唇。接下來發生的事情稍縱即逝,可不像人們所說的恍若永恒那么久長。日后回想起來,倒是意猶未盡,那一幕幕各不相同角度的畫面展現眼前,就像汽車相撞的慢鏡頭,眼睜睜看著它向你駛來,你卻束手無策,頭腦一片空白。四周靜極了,薩拉悄悄說道:“媽媽說,當一個男孩取笑戲弄一個女孩時,就表明他打心眼里喜歡她。”說完轉身走了,只留下她的漆皮鞋拍打地面的聲響。一陣哄笑打破沉寂。想要否認這一事實,已經不可能了。我笨嘴拙舌站在那兒,微風襲來,盡管我已被釘立在那兒,卻有快要昏倒的感覺,時間真的凝固了。當我緩過氣來時,世界已經改變。

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