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    長沙 2010

    那一天依舊記憶猶新,陽光明媚撫照射著大地每一寸肌膚,幾乎讓我睜不開眼。呵呵!今天有一點小激動,坐在前往長沙的客車看著來來往往的車輛,心里有著無限的幻想。這是我人生的開始,心里暗暗的下定決心既然來了就不能空著回去,在這立足而且要過得很好,慢慢的這念頭在我心里扎下了根,不管怎么樣都不能回去,這是我的理想,也是家人對我的希望。還是一個單純的小女孩,什么都不懂、什么也不知道,不知道這坐城市背后的心酸,不知道這人山人海的人們都帶上了一副假面具,令人惶恐、令人害怕。我進了一間診所工作,腦袋還是一片空白也許還沒有適應這壞境,一對夫婦夫醫婦護應驗了那句老話男女搭配干活不累,對他們的影響不是很好,感覺一直受到欺壓,我想反抗只要給我一個起火點就會爆發,這一天來的很快第一次感覺自己夠灑脫丟下工作服就走了,第一次這么的大膽也是自己第一次的決定。后來我又去了一家小醫院,那里壞境挺好,人也和睦。對于那時候的我不管是工作環境還是工資都暫時的滿足了我,就這樣在那里工作了一年有余,很輕松很自由也許是這樣才會有時間想那個一直牽掛的人,說來奇怪他是我一直暗戀的人,可是明知道卻毫無反應,真不知道他是什么意思,也許心里太在乎他所以每次擦肩而過都會避而遠之,就這樣我們一直沒有相處的機會,但是我一定不會就這樣算了不甘心,不管怎么樣都要問清楚,可是沒有勇氣。梁靜茹唱的那首愛真的需要勇氣,果真一點也不假,記得應該是年底回家過年吧,還是什么節日回過家一次,在家里內心極度糾結,我想打電話約他出來聊聊,可是勇氣欠佳,后來不知道是靠什么力量鼓起勇氣撥通了電話,那邊傳來熟悉而陌生的聲音,當時我的心再不停的顫抖,我害怕,真的很害怕。第一次的約會失敗了他說不在家,可是我依然沒有放棄,發現我的堅持這么倔強可以一直愛他這么久。傍晚,我和小伙伴在外面玩聽說他回來了,隨后我也回去了,這是從喜歡他以后第一次這么近距離的接觸與對視,他慢慢的向我走來,我停下了腳步,看著那熟悉又陌生的面孔我不知所措,只聽見他的問候,沒有任何言語。我的心此時平靜了很多,貌似我的不甘心得到了滿足,這些年一直都是自己不斷的付出真的累了、傷了、不想再這樣繼續下去了,而且他有女朋友,我和他就這樣吧做普通的朋友就好,真心的祝他幸福。我回長沙了繼續著堅持的理想。回到長沙我們偶爾會聯系但從不聊敏感的話題,其實這就是我想要的結果,曾經也想過我們有沒有可能在一起,但是我已經知道答案了,如果他有那個心早就主動來找我了不是嗎?呵呵!是自己太天真,我打消了這個念頭,全心回上工作的狀態,在這里太過安逸或許是自己野心慢慢擴大,經叔叔幫忙我進了長沙市級醫院,這是我人生的轉折點,我一定會好好的把握,可是、、、、困難、挫折不斷的一涌而來,壓力山大幾乎超出了承受范圍內讓我喘不過氣來,當時真的很無助要不要放棄呢?就在想放棄很無助的時候有一個人進入了我的世界里,我不明白那是心理的安慰還是那所謂的愛情,我和他開始了一段模模糊糊的戀情,好景不長慢慢的才發現那只是當時的感動和幫助不是愛情,可是這段感情對我的打擊很大,我不想承認也不想面對。向護士長請假回家休了幾天,還是沒有走出那陰霾,我是一個重感情的人雖然我和他沒有太多的感情可是他還是我第一個男朋友,這是不可否認的事實,回到家后我和他又見面了,他似乎感覺到了我的難過,我完整的告訴了他前因后果,不知道是不是他的心被我融化了還是和那可笑的前任一樣被感動了,我不需要任何人的同情。這是他第一次抱我,他說這不是被感動,也不是同情。那么這是什么呢?他對我說讓時間證明這一切,好吧。讓時間證明這一切,他的肩膀很溫暖,讓我感覺很安全帶著一絲幸福,他說以后有我,算是因禍得福吧,也是他欠我的。時間過得飛快假期到了,第一次這么的不舍,真的不想和他分開,他緊緊的抱住我,我感覺到了他的不舍,但是他沒有表達只是靜靜的抱緊我,我走了。工作還是極度壓抑,一次又一次的想放棄,家人一次又一次的做思想工作,自己也不甘心,那是我堅持的理想怎么可以放棄呢?他也叫我回去工作可我拒絕了,我不想放棄,雖然我都已經絕望了,但還是相信只要我努力會在這里有一席之地,在這醫院我看見了社會的黑暗和不公平,人與人的陰險狡詐,讓我不再是剛來的懵懂小女孩,而被磨練出的強人,是不是該感謝這些人、這些事?被這工作壞境一次又一次的逼迫呻吟的掙扎直到2014已經沒有力氣和耐心了,我到頭來還是輸了,輸得一敗涂地輸得不甘心,可是我又能怎么樣呢?我只能選擇離開,或許這本該就不屬于我。家人不同意辭職,可是決定走了還是留不住我,他似乎有點高興,因為這樣我們就不再受異地之苦,到現在我和他也談了一年多了,我們打算訂婚,可是家人說我要是辭就不同意我和他的婚事,為什么要這樣的威脅我?這是我自己的路為什么不讓我自己選擇?離開的那天可不可以記住我曾經在這里的奮斗和堅持,記住我、長沙。2014年1月10日
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