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    無處安放的青春

    我們在最美的年紀相遇,卻沒有一起走到相約的白發蒼蒼。

    我們的故事,很長很長,長到我以為不會有結局。

    我們是怎么相識的呢?我已經忘了。我記得那天我坐在自己的座位上,你從教室門口走進來,陽光從你身旁透進來。當時我想,這個男生真好看,多像是從光里走出來的。就那么一下子,你就踏進了我的心里。

    在我們認識三年后了吧。你說我們在一起吧。那時候,我心里很慌亂,就像萬千小鹿在心頭亂撞一樣。也說不出話來,就像患了失語癥一般。

    后來我也不知道我們到底怎么就在一起了。那么自然又那么莫名其妙。我們在兩所不同的學校,雖然還是在同一座城市,可是還是不如別人那般可以隨時溺在一起。又因為學校管制的原因,我們很少見面。所以電話就成了我們愛情里最重要的愛情紅線工具。

    雖然我們見面的機會比較少,可是我現在還記得,走路的時候,你總習慣走在外邊,因為我不愛看路不注意車。我晚上喜歡看小說,所以你總是和我打電話,說到我睡著。我和父母鬧別扭,你總是勸我和父母好好交流。我心情不好,你也總是給我講笑話唱歌逗我開心……現在想想,你真的是很好很好的。

    那時候覺得我們真的好合適。相識五年,你喜歡吃肉我喜歡吃青菜。你喜歡文科我喜歡理科。你喜歡游戲我喜歡小說。你喜歡籃球我喜歡乒乓……什么都好互補的。

    那是什么時候開始的呢?你在學校認了一個妹妹,和你是同班。我見過那個女孩,很可愛也很漂亮,小家碧玉的。見了我也很開心的叫嫂子。笑起來有兩顆小虎牙。于是后來在你和我談話里,就有了這么一個人。不管說什么,說著說著就會變成我妹喜歡什么,她怎么怎么樣。這個時候,我連插話的機會都沒有了。

    印象深刻的是,那一次你送我的一份禮物,你說:“這是我和我妹一起選的。她說她喜歡。”當時腦子里只有五個字:她說她喜歡,她喜歡。她喜歡我就一定喜歡嗎?我試著想:你重視你妹妹,你說你是愛我喜歡我的。嗯。是這樣的。我壓下心里的不快,那天晚上我們打電話,我說肚子疼。你知道我是大姨媽來了。所以你說喝點紅糖水怎么怎么樣。我問你怎么也懂這個的?你說,因為你那個妹妹前兩天來大姨媽也很痛,你給她兌了紅糖水喝。她告訴你的。我覺得我真的心里酸酸的。

    朋友說:你要好好考慮和他的關系。畢竟他那個妹妹一直在他身邊。如果不知道,看起來他們更像情侶。

    她說:你有沒有想過,he's just not that in to you.

    也許是吧。

    后來呢?

    我也不知道我們為了什么分手的。我只還記得,那是我的任性。我開始無理取鬧你也一如既往的包容寵愛,可是我忘了我們都會累會疲憊。最后這一次,我是真的累了,你也是真的疲憊了。分手之后,我決心丟掉這一段不成熟的感情。也不知道當時是怎么想的,逃課走了我們常走的路,去了我們常去的地方。還邊走邊哭,邊和朋友說我們的故事。可是那些故事現在大多已經記不清了。

    現在想想,我們也并不是那么合適。你喜歡喝奶茶不喜歡喝雪碧和百事,我喜歡喝果汁不喜歡奶茶。你喜歡吃清淡的不喜歡辣椒,我喜歡吃辛辣的不喜歡寡淡。每次出門你喜歡坐出租不喜歡擠公交,我喜歡坐公交不喜歡坐出租。最后你選擇了理科我選擇了文科……很多以前合適互補的都成了我們不合適的證據,就像刻意把我和你的世界分的干干凈凈。

    最近也聽到了別人說你過得不錯,和你的那個妹妹關系也疏遠了。身邊又有了她。一次逛街遇見了你們,你們笑起來就像陽光撒在冰上,我雖然很疼,也得接受化成水。

    本來和別人說好一起去成都,可是頭天晚上,他告訴我:還有你一起。那天晚上輾轉反側,心里百感交集。第二天一早,我逃似得就一個人走了。上車了才給他打電話說我上車先走了。很多事都沒有為什么。我就是很懦弱,很多事我都選擇了逃避。就像我們分手一樣。我總認為我們不適合再見,畢竟我們已經不能回到從前,不管是戀愛時還是戀愛前,都回不去了。那又何必再來擾亂我的心呢?你很好我很好我們各自分別都很好。這樣就夠了。

    你說過感謝在那個時候愛過的人。就這一句,就足以讓我眼淚決堤。

    可能是真的,你不是那么的喜歡我,我們也不是那么的相愛。我們愛的和我難以放下的,不是我們的愛情,而是我們那段回不去的時光,僅此而已。可是縱使現在我放下了這段感情,遇到好一點的男生,總還是會想到你。不知道是不是年紀大了之后,總愛回憶,總愛想起你,總愛想到那段年少青澀的時光……

    相濡以沫,不如相忘于江湖。這總是在失去后才能詮釋的成長。

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