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    對你的愛,埋在心里

    媽媽在收拾東西,儲藏室內滿是灰塵。我站在一旁,不耐煩地看著媽媽把一袋厚重的雜物遞給我:“拿去扔掉吧!”我小心翼翼地接過來,生怕那細細的粉塵落在我新買的大紅色帆布鞋上,那么清亮的紅色,落上粉塵該是多么糟糕。

    無意中,一頁小小的紙片從那堆雜物中滑落,在空中打了幾個旋才落到地上,似乎是想引起我的注意。我撿起它來,是一張黑白的舊照片,應該是上世紀六七十年代的那種。一角已經微微卷起,上面的人物,早已看不清模樣,隱約中,跟爸爸有點像。我沒有多想,塞進袋子連同那堆雜物一起丟進了垃圾箱。

    回到臥室,打開電腦,閑來無聊,便用“美圖秀秀”加工起了自己的照片。我喜歡把自己的照片弄成七八年代的那種泛著土黃色的黑白底樣,感覺隱隱透著一種年代的蒼老,歲月的睿智。

    只是這次,我沒有熟練的操縱鼠標,動作仿佛被定格了一般。因為,我想到了剛剛那張照片。那才叫真正的古老吧?模糊不清的人物面容,蒼白的笑臉和微笑,以及昏暗的陽光,一切的一切,并不是電腦加工能夠做到的。那張照片上,擁有著屬于那個年代的質樸與純真,那灰白的色彩中,透漏著我們無法理解的干警與清澈。

    翻看著曾經加工合成的照片,內心升起一股苦澀。比起那張照片,電腦上的這些,多么虛假,多么可笑。明媚、放肆、張揚的笑臉,哪會是那個年代的人能夠擁有的。

    沖動之下,我刪掉了存了好久的照片。電腦中傳出了“嘩啦”一聲,我的心重重跌回胸腔,那些個虛偽的我,是終于消失了么?

    很快,我換下了大紅色的帆布鞋,換上了屬于我的白色板鞋。我不喜歡紅色,甚至于討厭。紅色太過顯眼,太過張揚,太過高調。可是,無緣由的,紅色開始流行起來,于是緊跟潮流的我,也開始接觸那令我討厭的紅色。然而,不喜歡就是不喜歡,誰也無法改變。于是,我忍受著視覺沖擊,違心地接受著別人一句句違心的贊美。

    不得不承認,這是一個虛偽的世界。

    把紅色的帆布鞋放回鞋架,在一排排冷色系的鞋中,的確太過晃眼。無奈之下,把它放進了鞋盒里,收藏起來。看著鞋架上的灰白色板鞋,我由衷地笑了。紅色真的不適合我,那么鮮亮的顏色,穿在我的腳上,竟會顯得無力而蒼白。相反,那淡雅的灰白色,竟是那么的明亮。

    打開電視,陪著媽媽看百家講壇。

    是著名的于丹教授講論語。我無奈地強迫自己豎起耳朵用心聽這凈化心靈的良藥。

    “有時候,戀人之間,夫妻之間,有一方總是在強調自己為對方付出了多少,所以,對方必須按照自己的意愿做事,這不叫愛,只是一種非愛行為。”

    聽到這,我沒有心情繼續了。因為,總是感覺,這種人,好像是在說我呢。打開專門為你而寫的小本本,里面,似乎記錄了好多好多的付出,這,原來叫做非愛行為。

    我不想,對你那么深刻的眷戀,成為非愛行為。

    打開電腦,刪掉了所有曾經寫過的日志,說說。

    從今天開始,對你的愛,埋在心里。

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